"Jingle Bells!
Batman smells!
Robin laid an egg!
Batmobile
Lost a wheel
and Joker got away!"
Hey! What's this?
Batty greetings about Batman?
Insulting Robin the Boy Wonder?
A tragic Batmobile accident?
And Joker escaping from prison?
But Wait! The Worst Is Yet To Come!
More details tomorrow.
Same bat time,
same bat channel.
Meanwhile....
"Brusha Brusha Brusha!
With a new Ipana!
It's a new toothpaste!
I love its taste!"
And if that doesn't work....
Don't drive drunk this Halloween! Take a taxi!
Remember, friends don't let friends drive drunk.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
ATTENCAO! NAVE XUXA A FRACASADO EM ENTRAR A TERRA!
There's a new interval signal from a new shorrtwave radio station in Brazil called Radio Xuxana! A tribute to children's hostess Xuxa, this program airs nothing but kids top 40 music and messages from Xuxa. Every day, the broadcast begins by the computer voice saying "Atencao! Nave Xuxa aproximando a Terra!" This means, "Attention! Xuxa's ship is approaching Earth."
On this particular morning, there's an explosion and screaming heard as something sinister happens. And then we hear, "Atencao! Nave Xuxa A Fracasado Em Entrar A Terra." Which means, "Attention! Xuxa's ship has broken up as it has entered Earth." After that, an announcement is made that Xuxa's ship blew up on entering Earth's atmosphere.
After a 30 second period of silence, the Brazilian national anthem is played in a funereal version, after which the announcer tells the listeners that the broadcast is ended for the day...and possibly forever.
While we're waiting for official confirmation, let me tell you the story about the Hooded Claw. During last summer's Hot Dots 200 race at the Stade Olympique in Montreal, Patricia Pantonini, professionally known as Penelope Pitstop, was leading in her new Compact Pussycat X in the early laps of the race. Suddenly, there was a shootout on the track between 2 men-Sylvester Sneakly, Ms. Pitstop's Uncle and protector, and Dick Dastardly, who was banned from participating in the race.
As the cars turned onto lap 23 of the 200 lap race, several bullets from the two gentlemen's guns hit the Pussycat, causing it to flip over and explode. The race had to be stopped and Penelope's car was doused with water to stop the fire. By the time they got her out, she'd had burns over 85% of her body. She was rushed to Hotel Dieu Hospital where she was pronounced dead after 3 hours of medical treatment.
Both men were arrested and charged with first degree murder in her death. However, both men contend that Ms. Pitstop was not their intended target; Dastardly was angry that Sylvester had run over his dog Muttley while crossing the border into Canada earlier that day. Both men were held held without bond in separate cells in a local police station in Montreal.
3 days later, one of the Montreal Police detectives visited Mr. Sneakly's cell and showed him a cape, a hat and a mask. "Do you remember this?" he asked.
"Well..." Sylvester started to answer, but the detective interrupted him.
"This is your Hooded Claw outfit," he pointed out. "You used this to try to knock off Penelope Pitstop, didn't you?"
"Well," Sylvester said, "I wasn't trying to knock off Penelope at the race track. I was trying to knock off Dick Dastardly for urinating behind my car at the Border Crossing station. Who told you this?"
"Your friends, the Bully Brothers," the detective said. Sylvester's face froze in shock before he collapsed on the floor.
"Blast!" he said, bursting into tears.
"Not only that," the detective asked, "but Mr. Dastardly has been released on bail in return for damaging testimony against you."
Sylvester didn't have anything to say about that...
Just got word that Xuxa was late in reporting to her rocket station and the ship went off without her. She's okay, but she'll need a new one to get back to her friends on Earth.
Well, that's all the news.
On this particular morning, there's an explosion and screaming heard as something sinister happens. And then we hear, "Atencao! Nave Xuxa A Fracasado Em Entrar A Terra." Which means, "Attention! Xuxa's ship has broken up as it has entered Earth." After that, an announcement is made that Xuxa's ship blew up on entering Earth's atmosphere.
After a 30 second period of silence, the Brazilian national anthem is played in a funereal version, after which the announcer tells the listeners that the broadcast is ended for the day...and possibly forever.
While we're waiting for official confirmation, let me tell you the story about the Hooded Claw. During last summer's Hot Dots 200 race at the Stade Olympique in Montreal, Patricia Pantonini, professionally known as Penelope Pitstop, was leading in her new Compact Pussycat X in the early laps of the race. Suddenly, there was a shootout on the track between 2 men-Sylvester Sneakly, Ms. Pitstop's Uncle and protector, and Dick Dastardly, who was banned from participating in the race.
As the cars turned onto lap 23 of the 200 lap race, several bullets from the two gentlemen's guns hit the Pussycat, causing it to flip over and explode. The race had to be stopped and Penelope's car was doused with water to stop the fire. By the time they got her out, she'd had burns over 85% of her body. She was rushed to Hotel Dieu Hospital where she was pronounced dead after 3 hours of medical treatment.
Both men were arrested and charged with first degree murder in her death. However, both men contend that Ms. Pitstop was not their intended target; Dastardly was angry that Sylvester had run over his dog Muttley while crossing the border into Canada earlier that day. Both men were held held without bond in separate cells in a local police station in Montreal.
3 days later, one of the Montreal Police detectives visited Mr. Sneakly's cell and showed him a cape, a hat and a mask. "Do you remember this?" he asked.
"Well..." Sylvester started to answer, but the detective interrupted him.
"This is your Hooded Claw outfit," he pointed out. "You used this to try to knock off Penelope Pitstop, didn't you?"
"Well," Sylvester said, "I wasn't trying to knock off Penelope at the race track. I was trying to knock off Dick Dastardly for urinating behind my car at the Border Crossing station. Who told you this?"
"Your friends, the Bully Brothers," the detective said. Sylvester's face froze in shock before he collapsed on the floor.
"Blast!" he said, bursting into tears.
"Not only that," the detective asked, "but Mr. Dastardly has been released on bail in return for damaging testimony against you."
Sylvester didn't have anything to say about that...
Just got word that Xuxa was late in reporting to her rocket station and the ship went off without her. She's okay, but she'll need a new one to get back to her friends on Earth.
Well, that's all the news.
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